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Documenting not dying since October 2013.

The 12th & 13th; I just wasn't there, mentally.

The 12th & 13th; I just wasn't there, mentally.

ย The 12th of October.

Today I had a cry. I had a phone call from the hospital because a random liver doctor wanted me to go in on Monday night for a blood transfusion on Tuesday. I said no, because that is stupid - I am seeing James on Monday and I'll happily discuss having a blood transfusion but I see no reason to subject myself to a terrible sleep the night before. But then I looked at my bloods and my haemoglobin is a bit low and my CRP (infection marker) has jumped up to 117 so I've decided to start taking the augmentin I was discharged with. And then I started freaking out and getting upset because I don't know how to live normally again now. I have never been so scared in my life. When my liver failed before, I wasn't really aware of how ill I was. This time felt so much worse. There are several days in ICU which I've got no memory of and that terrifies me. I just wasn't there, mentally. I don't want that to ever happen again, but presumably it will. We'll talk about all this with James. We'll make a plan.

I'm moving about slightly better, although I still can't stand up straight. I put my Christmas trousers with penguins on so I was warmer today - I can wear ridiculous clothes until I have to go out again. Warm clothes and lots of iron-rich food this weekend.

The 13th of October.

No crying today. Not much of anything, really. I need to make more of an effort to get stronger. I keep sitting with my feet up all day, crocheting, but that isn't going to get my stomach or thigh muscles back. I have been using the excuse of my right foot getting puffy but movement will help alleviate that too. It doesn't help that I do need some blood - a haemoglobin of 6.4 does explain why I've been so cold and jittery.

I have been working solely on the thing I started yesterday, getting so far and then realising I need to do another bit or attach another bit or it won't work. Definitely never making another one.

My viewing has consisted of Saturday Kitchen, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, A Bug's Life and Frozen.

I feel so lazy but I just want to curl up and hide until I am better. But that's not how it works.

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The 14th & 15th; Cold and trembly all the time.

The 14th & 15th; Cold and trembly all the time.

The 10th & 11th; I am too weak to pull up a pair of jeans.

The 10th & 11th; I am too weak to pull up a pair of jeans.