The 4th of March. I feel much better today. Clearly just the antibiotics messing with my digestive system. Also my skin is calming down, so I think the rash that was attempting to appear was just a reaction to the drug and not GvHD. We'll carry on with the steroid cream until it's gone though.
Today I've made all the bits for Oliver's monkey, so I'll sew him up tonight. I was planning on trying to have a little go on the exercise bike, but then Becky and James came over after work so we had cups of tea and talked about James' new job (he has now moved down here to be an electrician at the university).
So there isn't much to say about today. I really want to get back into exercising, then I move and I'm reminded how totally shit my breathing is right now. I want to have muscles again please!
The 5th of March.
No matter how many times it happens (and believe me, it's happened far more than it should have), I never find it gets any easier to hear about the death of someone I care about.
Last night, a friend told me that her son wasn't going to make it to the morning, and I just burst into floods of tears. Usually when someone is poorly, I am able to prepare myself a bit, although there is never a point at which one becomes ready. I wasn't prepared to hear this news at all. It hadn't even crossed my mind that he might die. I have thought about it a lot, and I cannot think of anything that is worse than losing a child. Sometimes I think I'm lucky to not have to ever have the worry that it might happen to me. I just have to not think about the fact that it'll happen to my parents.
It seems frivolous to even mention what I've done today because it was all pure distraction, like going to buy hamster food and Easter eggs. I did some cycling on the exercise bike.
Oh, I'm just so sad. I can only take comfort in the fact that his pain is over now.
Lay down Your sweet and weary head Night is falling You’ve come to journey's end Sleep now And dream of the ones who came before They are calling From across the distant shore
Why do you weep? What are these tears upon your face? Soon you will see All of your fears will pass away Safe in my arms You're only sleeping
[Chorus] What can you see On the horizon? Why do the white gulls call? Across the sea A pale moon rises The ships have come to carry you home
And all will turn To silver glass A light on the water All souls pass
Hope fades Into the world of night Through shadows falling Out of memory and time Don't say: "We have come now to the end" White shores are calling You and I will meet again
And you'll be here in my arms Just sleeping
And all will turn To silver glass A light on the water Grey ships pass Into the West