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Documenting not dying since October 2013.

The 7th & 8th; I got a mysterious gift.

The 7th & 8th; I got a mysterious gift.

The 7th of October. Slept in again today! Woke up at half past seven, turned over, next thing I knew it was twenty past eight! Plus I got a mysterious gift of some maple syrup from Canada but no indication as to who it had come from! It seems it was a sneaky Amelia Derry, bless her.

This morning, we went into town to visit the Origon coffee pop-up in Selfridges, but we also went to the Apple shop to buy a plug-in mouse as the trackpad has given up on functioning. We also went to Hotel Chocolate to try the new Supermilk chocolate which I was not as enamoured with as I thought I might be.

I've been somewhat depressed today because I've worked out how long it's going to take for me to get off steroids and it won't be until the middle of November, meaning I'll still have a fat face at Christmas. I know it shouldn't be a big deal but it is and I feel really shitty about it.

The 8th of October.

I am stuck in a horrible self-loathing state and I can't seem to get my head out of it. I had to get up at half six because I had photopheresis at nine this morning, and I've got a lung function test tomorrow at nine before ECP and possibly a blood transfusion as my haemoglobin was on the low side today.

This afternoon I edited Julie's first draft of the piece for Grazia, crocheted a bit, watched TV and was generally something of a useless lump. I feel really upset and angry with my life and I don't seem to be able to get a handle on it. I wake up with good intentions but every day seems to go wrong. There is usually nothing I can do except wait for it to pass.

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The 9th & 10th; In some ways, I am quite glad I don't have a normal life, because I don't have to worry about the future.

The 5th & 6th; I looked over and Mommy was crying.

The 5th & 6th; I looked over and Mommy was crying.