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Documenting not dying since October 2013.

The 4th & 5th; I don't know if I can do this.

photo 1 photo 2 The 4th of November. Another crappy night has led me to another early night - I'm writing this in bed at twenty five past eight, planning to be going to sleep at the end of Masterchef.

This morning we went to the GP for our flu jabs - I was in hospital when they had their clinics (which quite frankly I am pleased about - do not fancy mixing with all the other vulnerable people). One of the nurses had seen me in the paper, but the one we saw hadn't so I told her the saga and she made a lot of sympathetic noises and tilted her head. People do that when they don't know what to say.

After we'd both been stabbed in the arm, we went into Sutton so I could talk to Nationwide about the fraud squad who keep freezing my card when I'm trying to use it, but the man just ended up giving me a phone number. I rang them this afternoon and I spoke to a helpful chap and hopefully it's fine now.

I also saw Will and Jon from way back in the day in Starbucks so we had a wee catch up and they told me about this thing they're launching on Monday which sounds impressive - I really hope it works for them.

Came home and got delivery of dress from asos (tried it on, looks good, hooray!), then a delivery from my new friend Hannah who is a friend of Jill. She sent me a huge box of perfect presents - a puzzle book, a photograph, candy (Moomin lolly!), nail varnishes, many little bracelets, stickers, a Lego minifig and goodies from Betty's! A little ghost cake, a dragon biscuit, a chocolate kitty, tea loaf and a Fat Rascal!  The ghost and the fat rascal are gone now, in my belly.

The nurse came and flushed my ling this afternoon. Thank God it worked - I was so worried it wouldn't. I really didn't want to be right and I wasn't!

Becky came round after school to tell all about Paris, and she brought me some macarons and a tiny glass Mickey! He can go with my other glass figures under my tree at Christmas.

I got an email from This Morning today saying they have passed my story to the production team who'll contact me if they decide to care about important things.

photo 4 The 5th of November.

I am a real mess tonight.

This morning we were at the chiro for half nine, both my mama and I. I went first, and considering I haven't been since August, it wasn't too bad! There were lots of tiny niggles which is always preferable to one big one. I got changed while Trine saw to my mama.

Afterwards, we went into town to find a bag for Monday. First, we tried TK Maxx where we had no joy, so we went to the station (Grand Central Birmingham? No. Just no.) to pick up our train tickets for Monday, and the Army band was playing! Love a bit of pomp.

I needed some pens from Muji where I picked up a Christmas catalogue, then we went to Debenhams but they also had no clutch bags that I deemed acceptable, so it was off to Selfridges with us. Vivienne Westwood was perfect. Big shiny black clutch, love it. I am now sorted for Monday night. We bimbled around the Christmas shop where I got the Ciaté advent calendar - trouble is that I want to open all the doors now! And I had a Starbucks peppermint hot chocolate in a red cup!

After a lunch of cheesy beans on toast and a couple of Becky's macarons, my mama went to see my grandma and I started looking at Christmas shopping. I love Christmas shopping. Today it made me want to burst into tears. It becomes massively depressing when you know it's probably your last. I said this to my mama when she came back and she hugged me and we had a cry.

I don't know if I can do this.

What I'd really like to say when asked how I am:

The 2nd & 3rd; Even though I don't believe there is an afterlife, I still hope there might be.