face 3.png

Documenting not dying since October 2013.

The 25th & 26th; Felt something cold and wet on my leg.

The 25th & 26th; Felt something cold and wet on my leg.


The 25th of August. I'm a very sleepy bear today. I had a reasonable sleep except for a distressing dream about spiders which I know is because of several news articles about all the massive spiders coming into our homes soon. Not looking forward to that. 

There wasn't long this morning before going out to meet Vicky for lunch. We went to 6/8 for a change and had nice coffees and New York pastrami sandwiches. I drank a lot of water with mine because of pepper. My mouth is pathetic. It was so nice to hang out with one of my few cancer survivor pals. She gets it, and she understands my feelings of having no real purpose, not knowing why we're here. We're slightly different in that she is really pretty good now - her body functions quite well. But she still can't work out have the sort of social life one would expect. It's just hard, and it's nice to have someone who understands. She thinks I should try again to get Daddy to let me get another cat. 

On the way back, we went to Becky and James' new house and they're already ripping it to pieces. There's hardboard everywhere, random plug sockets, a picket fence suspended ceiling in the kitchen. Right now m it seems grim,but we can see the potential and once they start getting the rooms done, it will be really lovely. The bigger picture is hopeful. 

The 26th of August.

The day started abruptly at 3am when I suddenly woke up and felt something cold and wet on my leg. I turned on the light and pulled back the cover to find an enormous patch of blood and the dressing on my leg totally drenched. It was from my clexane injection on Monday which had been bleeding in the day but only a tiny amount, so I was somewhat alarmed! I had to go and wake up Mommy who took the duvet and cover away to soak out the blood, and we added a huge wad of gauze to the dressing and stuck a mepilex over the top.

When I woke up again at 7, the blood was trying to seep through that, so we added another huge dressing to hold it down and we're grateful I had clinic this morning. We got there at quarter past nine but didn't see Ram until quarter past eleven because it was so busy. We gingerly took the layers of dressings off and found them utterly sodden, but the bleeding seemed to have been stemmed. Cleaning it knocked the scab so it started again, and I have another dressing with some extra gauze underneath. 

We needed some photos printing so had a quick trip into town for that, and I bought a Corker from Selfridges. We saw an installation by Macmillan who have a cube which you can get into, but not see out of and can only hear stories from cancer patients. It's supposed to represent the isolation that one feels when diagnosed and going through treatment. Exactly what I was saying yesterday. No one understands unless they have been through it. It's so lonely. 

This afternoon, I've finished one hat and started the next. I'm not taking any more orders for now. 

The 27th & 28th; How can things improve when I don't have a belief that they can?

The 27th & 28th; How can things improve when I don't have a belief that they can?

The 23rd & 24th; Don't be so hard on yourself.