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Documenting not dying since October 2013.

The 17th & 18th;  Our bodies are such polar opposites.

The 17th & 18th; Our bodies are such polar opposites.


The 17th of September . I am not as trembly tonight as I was earlier. It's weird - it doesn't seem to follow any sort of pattern. I just wish it would stop.

I had haematology clinic this morning, and Ram was indeed there. My left arm stopped bleeding so they had to go into my right arm too. Plus, they now stab me in the finger to check my blood glucose, so I had many little pieces of gauze. We discussed my steroid tapering, and he suggested 2mg per month which is a fucking joke. This made me immediately stare at the wall and say that this made me very unhappy before becoming mute. He asked me to elaborate, at which point I started crying because I had planned on being off them by the end of October, not in God knows how long. I will not be doing as he suggests.

We had a quick trip into town afterwards, just to pick up some train tickets and get some other bits, like a Vanilla Cappuccino doughnut from Krispy Kreme that was actually too sweet for me to finish. This afternoon, I wrote a bit about photopheresis and steroids and did some crocheting. My scarf is getting really quite long.

Bake Off tonight! Wednesday is the best.

The 18th of September.

Well I have just sat and crocheted all day. I had a brief break in which I finished writing the piece about photopheresis and steroids, but apart from that, it has been crochet and tv. Totally mindless.

This evening, we went to see Cats. I used to watch the video all the time when I was about seven, but I've never seen the live show. We were actually supposed to go last time it toured, which was seven years ago. It was the day I ended up in BCH having lots of blood transfusions because I was anaemic and the next day I was diagnosed with leukaemia.

So now it's back and we went! The Rumtumtugger is my all-time favourite, and Magical Mister Mistofolees is the best song. It just makes me so happy.

It's funny, I was just watching the dancers and our bodies are such polar opposites - theirs are so strong, whereas mine is as weak as a kitten.

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The 19th & 20th; I think I need a lorazepam day tomorrow.

The 19th & 20th; I think I need a lorazepam day tomorrow.

The 15th & 16th; The words wouldn't come.