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Documenting not dying since October 2013.

The 23rd & 24th; I am dangerously close to burning out.

The 23rd of June. My body's punishment for taking lorazepam was to wake me up at quarter to four this morning! Oh, the end of July cannot come soon enough.

I got up at seven, and I decided the most productive use of my morning was to train, after breakfast and coffee. I had to ring up the secretary of the gynae lady I'm supposed to see who says they haven't had the letter (even though I know it's been sent). I spoke to Andy Toogood's secretary just to check, and she has sent it, but she's going to fax them another copy. I've definitely got some bleeding going on and I just really want to know what the fuck's going on.

This afternoon I caught up on some ridiculous television (TOWIE) and painted my nails in sorbet shades.

I'm just so very tired and I hate evenings in steroid time because I just have no energy. Becky came over very briefly after school because I'd ordered some teacher biscuits for her but then she'd been poorly, but now she's fine so I could give them to her! She's very excited to eat them.

The 24th of June.

My tongue hurts and I am dangerously close to burning out. I was awake at five again, and if Zopiclone kept me asleep, I'd have one. It's too soon for more lorazepam. We had to be at the dental hospital for 9.15 this morning, so I got up at half six anyway.

I was seen quickly by Dr. Albuquerque (yes that really is his name) who I met last year, and once again he was offering to biopsy my tongue. I do not know why he's so keen to have samples of it! He also suggested I wear my mouth guard at night to try and stop me aggravating the ulcer too much (I grind my teeth in my sleep), which I'll give a go. Mrs. Richards thought one last injection of the stronger steroid was a good idea, so we did that.

We went to town on the way home and I bought some sweatbands for my wrists as the kettlebells are bruising me, some stuff from Superdrug, some cheap wool and we also stopped at Maplin's for a power extension cable.

When we got home, we had lunch and watched some tv, then Mommy went to see Grandma and I lay on the sofa and finished The Quarry. Now, if you want an unrealistic portrayal of dying and a tragic teen love story with infuriatingly unlikable characters, read The Fault In Our Stars. If you want to know how it feels when you're dying, read The Quarry.

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The is a "corker" aka a brownie inside a cookie from The Brownie Bar and they are lethal.

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I ordered this sleep mask and I can't wait to wear it in hospital and freak out the night staff.

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The 25th & 26th; I have clinic with Ram on Monday and it is not going to go well.

The 21st & 22nd; Coffee can only perk me up so many times.