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Documenting not dying since October 2013.

The places you have come to fear the most.

The 18th of October. I really don't want to talk to anyone. I'm stuck in my own head tonight. We saw the doctors including the consultant this morning, and he said that they want to observe me for a few days after Thursday, because I relapsed so quickly last time. I had one day at home. I didn't have colomycin last time though, so that might have killed the bug better than the vancomycin did.

However, if it hasn't, I will be back in very swiftly. That means they'll have to treat it again, for longer, and it'll get more resistant. The sooner it comes back, the sooner I go. What if it just keeps happening? How will they know when it's the last one? How will it happen? I don't want to die in hospital.

And what if I'm stuck on the antibiotics? I have things I want to do. I don't want to go before I've done them. I want to get to Christmas and my birthday.

I don't know what's going to happen. And God I am so scared.

From the sublime to the ridiculous.

The 16th & 17th.